Sewing disaster averted.

You know how I can't sew? How the thought of sewing makes me cringe? How whenever I have to do it (even though I usually volunteer) I complain and complain about it? Well, not today. Today I present a completed sewing project that only took about three hours from start to finish. I think. Uh, well I guess it was longer, I had to iron the fabric. It doesn't matter. The point is. I recovered the hideous old pillows that sit on my living room couch. It may not sound like much but there are six of them and they are rather large (two feet by two feet). This project made a horrible mess. It turns out the pillows are feather pillows and they were starting to shed a bit. Duck down was escaping from the actual pillows into the decorative cases which led to my living room looking like Huey, Dewey, and Louie had murdered old man McDuck for those millions (and his monocle!). Also they were full of dust. It was a very sneezy time for awhile while I was ripping those things apart. Can you put awhile and while next to each other in a sentence? Well, I did. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Who brags about making pillows? Woohoo, you sewed a square, way to accomplish the ordinary! And you're right. Most people wouldn't brag about making pillows. Then again most people haven't sewn their fingernail into a Halloween costume while it was still attached to their hand. Most people don't consider their sewing machine their nemesis. Most people don't spend hours on the simplest of projects begging for the sweet, sweet release of death. You see I am no ordinary woman. And for my encore I'm going to try to make a purse. GASP! That's right. I even bought a pattern (the orange one in the corner, my version will be blue with robots on it). Booyah. Yes, I am the last person on earth still saying Booyah. It's me and Cyborg and he got canceled. The fabric that you see in the trash bag there is the old stuff, unattractive and cigarette stained from a previous owner. The close up of the new fabric which is a printed bark cloth called Beatnik from Big Kahuna.

On a roll

Sometimes you hit your stride. I didn't think I'd finish my Christmas knitting letalone another project (however small). But here it is, another project. I whipped up this little sucker mostly yesterday. It's the Spiral Rib Bag from One Skein (it's not one of the patterns you can see on the viewable pages). Mine is knit up in some Colinette ribbon yarn (they show the color better than I can!) that I had no idea what I'd ever use it for. I had two substantial skeins of it at one point but gave the nice one away to an SP. So then I was left with this other skein of beautiful, expensive yarn I couldn't throw out but also couldn't untangle. After something like four hours one day (I had to lock the cat in the bathroom because she, having never done anything like it before, decided that the umbrella swift was her nemesis and that it had to be destroyed) managed to turn that tangled skein into three small balls. Then I was faced with what to do with them. For well over a year they've been in a box, almost a little bag, almost a small scarf, almost, almost, almost. Then I came across this pattern and thought, maybe. As it turned out I couldn't get gague with it. The width was right but the rows were about half what they should be, or so I thought. So instead of doing the pattern 1 1/2 times I did it twice and enede up with a taller bag, go figure. I went crazy with the I-cord last night and ended up with a good 10 extra inches of that too. Good thing too, it still seems short to me. All in all it's a nice little gift for someone when I'm unprepared later this month. I think it may actually go to Darth's Teacher at the end of this week. Though, Edina would like it. I have enough yarn left that I might be able to make a second one. If not, the bottom is knit last so I could use a different yarn for that or felt a disk to sew on or something. I should line it but you all know how I feel about sewing. Meh! What next? Um... I'm thinking I'd like to try to knit a sweater for a friend of mine now that Knit Picks has a superwash available. I'm thinking Durrow which I'm totally in love with. I wonder if I have the staying power for a whole sweater. I seem to be getting better at finishing things but there's a Harry Potter scarf under my bed that says otherwise. The thought of trying to finish that makes me want to cry. Or throw up. Or both.

Shine on, Cheapass Christmas, shine on.

Craftster is like a sick obsession. Wallowing through all the crap people make out of other crap to find those rare few awesome ideas can lead to hours upon hours of feeling alternately elated, exasperated, inadaquate, and nauseous. Often at the same time. I spent an evening staring at craftster a couple weeks ago and was left with two revelations: #1 I needed a Dremel, #2 most of the people on cratster need to lay off the crack. In fact, so deep was this need for a Dremel that the next morning when I woke up the first thing I said to Red Todd Kidd was, "I need a Dremel." Now you may not know this (Sarcasm! sarcasm!) but RTK puts up with a lot. A LOT. I start all kinds of crazy projects and most never make it out of the planning stages letalone get finished. So of course he just laughed and we went on about our day. I never did shut up about the Dremel. I talked about it non-stop for two days. Finally RTK gave in and bought it for me as an early Christmas present. He's the best, ain't he? I have so many projects lined up for that thing that I'm busting at the seams trying to contain myself until I've finished all my Christmas projects. Now, aside from the desperate need for power tools I did spy something that turned out to be important. Some girl or other had made a tote bag out of a velvet painting. Not two days later as Darth and I are walking home from school there was a 2 1/2' x 5' velvet painting with a hole in the corner in someone's yard that had a sign stating: "Free". As you can see, Darth and I ripped that sucker right off its frame and took it home. For those who don't know about this yet, my cousins and I do a gift exchange where you may only spend $10 and you must make your gift yourself. Behold the velvet purse (lined with a bedsheet) I made from the neighbors' discarded painting. Isn't it horrifying? I purchased a zipper, metal loops and ribbon. Thus far I have invested all of $4. PLease note the snakeprint on the ribbon. I assure you this was only because this was the only ribbon Wal-Mart had in the correct width. I'm thinking I may make a matching coin purse. Does cheapass Christmas get any better than this? I think not. I've nearly finished a glove for the SIL, I'll show it to you once it's done. 11.5 discloths done, 4.5 to go. I volunteered a scarf for FIL but luckily I actually have one that's nearly done I can give him and no it's not the Harry Potter one. A cup warmer for SIL's boyfriend is in the works. A beaded badge holder necklace thing for mom too. I'm headed to the crazy house people! At least this year it seems like I may actually get everything done. Shouldn't there be some kind of prize for this? Wait, I think creating that purse made me inelligible for any kind of kudos. Oh well.

Why?

I finished one of the diapers today. I know, I know, it's been forever since I showed you my cut outs BUT I needed a twin needle and I couldn't find the right size then I finally got one and couldn't find the time to sew. Anyway, I finally got one done and guess what? It is SO huge. I'm going to make do because I'm not trimming the bagillion pieces of fabric. I'll just elasticize the hell out of them and hope for the best. Also I made a hat. I would show you a picture but suddenly I have misplaced the camera again. Okay, I'll find it and post it later. Promise.

Cut that shit out!

I'm almost done with the cutting. Each diaper needs: 1 cover (denim or other heavy fabric), 2 inner layers (t-shirt), 1 6-layer soaker pad (t-shirt), and optional (which I didn't know until after I had really gotten going) liner which is 1 layer of polar fleece and another 6 layer soaker pad called a doubler. All I have left to cut are the doublers and I have to cut eleventy billion yards of strips for the binding. That will be a blast. At least I still have my mat, fancy ruler, and rotary cutter from my short-lived (is that supposed to be hyphenated?) attempt at quilting. Let's not discuss that, suffice to say it was so bad it was very nearly epic. It's a good thing it's the thought that counts. I still have a bunch of clothes hanging around here too. I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't really have anymore fabric for covers, I went through all the pants and a curtain already. If I make ones that don't have the heavy duty covers I'll need wool soakers until she's got the potty thing down. I don't really want to spend my knitting time on that. Ugh. I do so enjoy making myself insane. I haven't even told you about the special needle yet have I? Oh man, I can't believe I didn't go into this yesterday. Okay so this project requires a type of sewing machine needle I've never even seen before. It's a twin needle which is one shaft that becomes two seperate needles in this case 4mm apart. You have to thread the machine with two threads. Okay, I'm sure that's not anything special to those who know what they're doing but I had to spend a good 20 minutes with my manual just to see if my machine could actually use one of those needles since I have (by request, mind you) the sewing machine that does the absolute least. Can you imagine me with one of those fancy machines? I'd have to try to use all its crazy functions! It a mercy that my MIL listened and bought the machine that doesn't do anything but sew. As it turns out it can, the question is, can I? The answer reamins to be seen but I'll bet it won't come without a good deal of cursing. I just spent the last 20 minutes talking to my neighbor (artist not dealer) and he is such a nice guy. He just had a show last night and he was nervous about how he came off, he's kind of a regular guy not an artiste. To prove that point he was coming over to put our trashcans back in the yard after the trash truck came because he thought we were all out of town. Anyway, we were discussing our various projects and mishaps and as it turns out, he once tried to make shoes too! Okay, actually he just tried to resole his shoes but it was still an illfated and illadvised project involving shoes. He also thinks that sewing is hard. Much harder than it seems anyway. I can agree with that. Time to go, I have MORE cutting to do. Meh.

My nightmare

Last night I dreamed about sewing. I may have mentioned buying a sewing pattern a while back. It took three weeks to get here but it finally arrived. I started cutting out the GAZILLION pieces yesterday. As I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph, I even dreamed about it last night. I'm sure you know why: I HATE sewing. And yet, once again I've been compelled to embark on some large scale, disasterous, project involving skills I don't have (and in this case tools I've never even seen) because I'm a cheap bastard. I know, I know, the knitty Fru-Gal ladies of Cheapass SP would say that this insanity is a beneficial quality. Some crafters would say that handmade stuff is better because it's made with love. You readers would say that you love it when I decide to do crazy crap like make shoes because my fury amuses you. All of those things are fine I suppose but I just wonder why I feel compelled to spend rediculous amounts of time on doing things myself when I could have purchased what I needed for not much more than I ended up spending on materials. I'm just glad I'm using recycled fabric, if I had bought new I'd be in the mire so deep I couldn't see the sun. I thought knitting was expensive but hot damn! And I didn't even buy the expensive velcro stuff nor did I get any PUL. So what am I making, you ask? Cloth diapers. I know, at this point you're saying, "WHY!? Your smallest kid is two! You really have lost it, lady," but you'd be wrong. And no I'm not knocked up, thanks so much for wondering. The reason I'm doing this is because my two year old is about ready to use the potty and anyone who has tried to potty train (or "assist in potty learning" for the granola moms out there, a category which Red Todd Kidd is continually insisting I belong to) a kid in the last 10 years knows that super absorbant disposable diapers and ESPECIALLY Pull-Ups (or Easy-Ups, or whatever) impede the learning process drastically. With my son it wasn't until I took them away entirely that he even thought about using the potty. I'm not doing that again. The problem is that you can't get decent training pants anymore. Gerber makes some pretty flimsy ones that are good once the kid is pretty well done learning but what the hell are you supposed to do in the mean time? Let the kid pee on the sofa? I had a cat thast did that I'm not doing that again either. So I decided to make something. Something out of cloth so she can tell when she's wet and won't like it much but that will hold in the pee so I don't have to buy a bottle of that "Urine Gone" they advertise on tv at 3am. Sounds like a cloth diaper to me, how about you? Figuring this out I started pricing them and came across a site that sold "recycled diapers" made from old jeans and t-shirts. I was totally sold. I ordered the pattern and even started dreaming of buying the cottege industry licensing because, as you may know, I'm a psychotic masochist who feels the need to do as much sewing as possible because I hate it and don't know what I'm doing. Then I asked everyone I know to clean out their closets because this takes a LOT of t-shirts. I ended up with two laundry baskets AND a big bag full of old clothes that I had to cut up before I could cut them up. I'd also like to mention that the person who wrote the pattern doesn't know how to get the most from her fabric. I was only supposed to get like four liners out of each polar fleece sweatshirt but I managed five each. Though I didn't get as many covers out of the jeans since I'm doing the largest size and my pant legs weren't always big enough.But I digress, the point I was trying to make is that I spent about five hours cutting shit out and still have about five hours of cutting shit out to go. I assure you this is not my favorite part especially since the thumb numbing craft scissors incedint back in May, which by the way the sensation still hasn't fully come back in my thumb but I have been assured it will eventually. Where the hell was I going with all of this? I don't remember so I'll just sum up: I'm cheap, sewing is bad, potty training is hard, Pull-Ups are bad, cutting stuff out sucks, I still have a crap ton of work to do, the end.

I sewed something that doesn't suck!

My in-laws are really nice people. I know, you didn't expect me to say that. It's almost shocking that I'd say such a thing given how I'm prone to rant about any given noun. Really, though, my in-laws are very nice people. That's not to say they don't drive me crazy at times because they can. Oh how they can! Most of the time though the driving me crazy is just a result of their eagerness to please or belligerent hospitality. So imagine my surprise last year when my sister-in-law's boyfriend of three years (the first year he didn't come to Christmas, the second year he was fighting the [insert appropriate adjective here] fight in Iraq, last year being the third year) was assigned a Christmas stocking that had belonged to, not one but, TWO now deceased cats. Man, was that a long sentence. I don't know if my mother-in-law thought he wasn't going to last or what but it was just sad to see that stocking (my in-laws fill a stocking for everyone) with Sneakers written on one side and Zebo written on the other (okay, I don't remember which cats were on it but those are two of their previous cats so that's what I'm saying was on it) assigned to poor Joe. It also struck me as odd since she had gone and gotten those $1 stockings for my kids. Why not just get one more? Anyway, I'll get to the point. I told them that I was going to make Joe a Christmas stocking. I totally forgot about this until about two weeks ago. Oops. I call up my mother-in-law yesterday and ask some questions about the stockings and we (yes, we) both thought it might be nice to do stockings for all four of us recent additions that matched with the ones she had made for her kids/husband/self 30ish years ago. So I set off to Michael's. DEAR GOD! The line inside the store wrapped around the inside of the building. They also didn't have everything I wanted so I left. I dragged Red Todd Kidd to Joanne's Fabrics for red, white, and green felt (yes, I did tell the clerk I was making a sparkly Mexican flag). They didn't have exactly the right colors so I grabbed the closest match which was sparkly. I'm hoping my mother-in-law doesn't mind. I told RTK that it was perfect because we're all shiny and new. He didn't get the joke. Neither did my mom. After much frustration I made the stockings. I can't draw so I was hoping to trace cookie cutters but I forgot my cookie cutters are in storage. I had to free-hand all this stuff. The actual stocking pattern is my felt boots, though, I traced 'em. Hee-hee! RTK cut out the Christmas tree for me but other than that I did it all. I'm pretty proud of these considering that most projects that involve a sewing machine, scissors, glue AND me usually end in disaster. Merry Christmas everyone!

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

God I hate sewing. I hate everything about it. I hate cutting out patterns. I hate not being able to find the good scissors. I hate cutting out the fabric with the teeny-tiny scissors that for some reason are the only ones that can cut fabric. I hate lugging the sewing machine out of the top of the closet. I hate trying to find the bobbins. I hate winding bobbins. I hate trying to sew around a curve. I hate having to iron all the seams. I hate having to start all over because I did something stupid 15 minutes in to a three hour project. I hate sewing. I think this is because I'm not any good at it. I have no formal training. I have no innate ability. I also have a friend who is a sewing godess. She called me this evening and in the course of conversation revealed that she made a Victorian bustle skirt in one night, without a pattern. I'm sure it's perfect, or at least looks it. She probably looks even taller and thinner and more fabulous in it too. Because she's just one of those people that's good at everything and always looks fabulous. If I didn't love her, I'd hate her. But you can't hate Kaylee. She's too awesome to hate. In fact, if she were here she'd have made this whole damn Leia costume for me in a half hour without so much as a complaint. I'm alternately wistful and bitterly jealous. Especially when the first thing Red Todd Kidd asks whenever I start any project that isn't knitted is: "Did you call Kaylee?" Regardless of how valid a question it is or how poor my sewing skills are or how much I hate sewing it still bugs me that he thinks I can't do anything without her help. So what if it's totally true! He shouldn't know it and he certainly shouldn't say it! What a jerk. As you may have guessed. I drafted out my paper bag pattern for the Leia costume. Twice, as a matter of fact. The first time I didn't account for seam allowances. Yeah, I totally rule. I've gotten so far as cutting out the fabric pieces. Tomorrow comes the ever more entertaining task of ironing all the pieces and sewing them together. Sigh. I wish Kaylee was here...