Monday, October 30, 2006

Insanity thy name is Turkey Hat.

A while back I got an email from a knitwear design company proclaiming that they had "A SEXY NEW WEBSITE". Upon opening this email I was greeted with the picture that you see on the left. I'll give you a moment to take it all in.

I'm not sure what the most disturbing thing about this picture really is. Is it the hat? The tea cozy? The fact that someone actullay made it? The fact that someone actually modeled it? Could it be the crazily genuine grin of the model? Perhaps it's the curious tar-like substance on her arms. Whatever it is, I think we can all agree that that whole thing is an image that not even Hunter S. Thompson could concoct on a really bad Thanksgiving acid trip.

My favorite thing about it is that there's more. There's a christmas version featuring the same model in a wrap and hat that would make the jolly red elf, Santa himself, slap the designer with the fury of a cheated pimp. I'm torn as to whether I want to defame this woman for giving knitters a bad name or hail her as a comic genius. Is she a self important designer snob or is she that fun aunt we all wish we had because she makes our mothers crazy? I'm pretty sure she's just insane and should probably be in a home where she can't hurt others but that fine line between criminal insanity and comic gold haunts me, just like the image of that turkey-clown get up will haunt my dreams.

I'm thinking of doing NaNoWriMo. I have an idea. I have no idea where that idea will take me or where it will go. I don't know whether I shoudl even attempt NaNoWriMo this year since it kicked my ass SO hard I could barely sit last year. I want to do it but I don't know if I can commit. Anyone want to talk me into or out of it?

Editted to add: I showed this to Red Todd Kidd who declared that she "can't be serious, there's no way." The we delved deep into the website and have come the conclusion that she must be serious. It's a frightning world out there, readers.

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Sunday, October 29, 2006

So ahead of my time

(Click on the pics for larger views)

This week's knitty blogstalking is to post a pic of yourself in a Halloween costume, past or present. As you can see I've posted my Bezzie costume circa 1982, proving once again that I am way ahead of my time. Please not the supermodel pose I've struck on the orange vinyl sofa. I wonder what happened to that afghan... The truly great thing about this photo is that it's from a series of photos whith each one Im pulling a different pose. You see, I've always been odd I just used to be adorable as well. If you want a real trip compare the pic here with the one of Miss Beans at the bottom of this post, cue the theramin music, it's a clone!

So this weekend was Darth's fifth birthday party. I never got around to ordering a cake and so I ended up making one at the last minute. Knowing me that doesn't seem out of the ordinary now, does it? Also knowing me I'm sure you're wondering what kind of multiple rediculous road blocks popped up to threaten the formation of said cake. You may also be wondering what kind of masochistic hurdles I set up for myself since I can never seem to do anything normal like bake a cake with out turning it into an epic saga full of blood sweat and tears (it's a good one this time: I, the person with little artistic ability, decided to make a cake that looked like a treasure chest spilling candy, because tht's a simple Friday night project. For an encore maybe I'll convert our house from electricity to cold fusion and then ride my magic carpet to the moon). If you're not wondering any of that then I really don't know what you're doing here, I mean, this blog is very clearly about my insanity and the use of the subject to moderately entertain others while they're surfing the net on company time.


7pm: It all started at the grocery store. Now who would have ever guessed that the weekend before Halloween was a prime party time? I know it seems so obvious and yet on Friday night as I pulled up to the store to get cake mixes and whatnot I was totally baffled as to why the store was overrun. It only took a blindingly huge sign declaring an urgent need to stock up on chips an dip for me to realize my folly and insantly I was off like a flash trying to get what I needed and get out before party time at 1pm the next day, no small task. Delightfully I managed to get most of what I needed and on sale exept two things: a light bulb and cake mixes.

The light bulb was no big deal, we've been sitting in the semi dark for two days already so what's one more? The cake mixes though were a problem. They were having one of those damn 10 for $10 sales that cause people to stock up like Aramgeddon is upon us, frothing at the mouth and taking things out of others' carts when they're not looking. What? You don't shop in the third circle of Hell?

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, cake mixes. All they had left was lemon. I see this woman with a cart full of yellow cake mixes and I basically shame her into giving me three of them so that my poor son who's turining five won't have a birthday with no cake. As it turned out, they weren't yellow cake, they were butter cake. A whole stick of butter and three eggs in each one. Can you say heart attack?

8pm: I get home and I start slapping these things together as fast as I can so I can also get the kids bathed and in bed, stuff goody bags, wrap presents, etc. The first batch (two 9x13 cakes) come out of the oven relatively without incident until I take them out of the pans. Both of them stick to the bottom of the pans and don't come out well but I made do, leveled them and tried to frost them. Ever frost a cake and have it totally fall apart as you go? Not fun. Red Tod Kidd had the genius idea (I'm not being sarcastic, it was a good idea) to run the frosting cans under hot water to sofen it up. Worked like a charm. I got those two cakes stacked and frosted and the third (and final) one in the oven. Sadly, as you can see from the lovely labeled picture I've provided, it never made it out of the pan at all. Back to the store.

10pm: I went to the other nearby grocery store to find that they had had a similar sale and been cleared out but at least they had a nonsale brand of cake mixes in stock. I got one yellow, one chocolate just to be safe and high tailed it home where I got yet another cake oven ready and then wrapped presents until it was done baking and cooling. I may have stopped to go to the bathroom or something but I can't remember now, it's a blur. I finally finished the damn thing at almost 1am and then I had to clean up the mess (oh, and DAMN was there a mess). Living the dream, I'm living the dream.

Let this be a lesson to all of you, order the ephing cake ahead of time so that you don't feel compelled to bake the most awesomest cake ever for a kid who probably won't remember it in a week just because you feel guilty about not geting your act together sooner. Oh, and I was also under the guilt of not finishing the birthday socks. I'm almost done shaping the gusset on the second one.

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Monday, October 23, 2006

Never miss a good oppertunity to shut the fuck up.

About a year ago Red Todd Kidd came across that quote and I don't recall who said it. What I do remember was joking that I should have that tattooed on my hand where I could see it since I never seem to know whent to shut my mouth.

I did go get a new tattoo this weekend partly to remind me to SHUT UP but also to remind me that everything is temporary. I need to remember that that bad stuff won't last forever and to pay attention to the good stuff when it does come my way.

The place where I got this is awesome, Studio City Tattoo, it's pirate themed and SO clean. It's a really amazing place. Since it was pretty simple, I was in and out of there in about 45 minutes and most of that was chatting with the artist about what I wanted. He did a fantastic job and I'll be sure to post a better picture once it's healed and not so puffy.

We went up to visit Kaylee and The Single Letter this weekend and the four of us took the kids to go see The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D at the El Capitan in Hollywood. The theater is amazing and the kids had a good time. It was neat to finally see Nightmare on the big screen since I didn't see it when it came out. Sadly the 3-D gave me a headache so I actually had to close my eyes through the middle but my favorite part is the opening so I didn't mind.

I did a bit of knitting in the car on the way up but I was way to stressed to stick with it for long. The trip up was traffic ridden and Lola Beans was Upset. Besides, what I really needed to work on was Darth's socks and I cannot do DPNs in the car. I'm afraid I'll lose an eye if the airbag deploys. Seriously, I can so clearly see it in my mind's eye that... I can't even talk about it anymore, suffice to say I don't use DPNs in the car. I have a whole lot of sock to knit before Darth's birthday party on Saturday. Oh Second Sock Syndrome, why must you plague me?

I have been knitting up some Christmas presents but those are under wraps for now. I'll just say it's a bandwagon project that I picked up supplies for while Michael's was having it's yarn sale.


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Pant Wranglin'

There should be a sporting event in which competetors attempt to get stretch pants onto bucking, sugar filled, screaming, two year olds who have missed their naps and firmly believe it to be naked time. I call this blood sport "Pant Wranglin'" and I compete for a personal best in it every morning. Okay, sometimes it's not until late afternoon, but you get what I mean.


Monday, October 16, 2006

Why photo recognition software MUST be wrong.

After the delightfully white trash wannabe Bezzie photos I took of myself, I took my hair down. Darth asked if he could take my picture. I thought it might be funny so I let him. Little did I know that it would be this funny. I ran it through a celebrity look alike photo recognition thing. I think some of these people would be miffed at the comparison, I however, think it's hilarious.

By the way, if you hold your mouse over the celebrity photos you can read my comments about each selection.

MyHeritage Celebrity Look-alikes

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Video post! (In honor of my 150th post)

If you hate bathroom mirror photos you will abhor today's bathroom mirror video post. Just warning you.

Oh, and the sound can't keep up with the video so it's all off. This was a bad idea...

Here's the intro:

Part one:

Part two:

Hope you enjoyed my bad hair, lack of make-up, and unscripted lack of witty comments!

EDITTED TO ADD: The fantastic yarn you see me talk about briefly was actually a gift from my CASP, Cheapass Underlord. I didn't get to finish that round and never found out who made that beautiful handspun for me. I have to say, that package came on one of the worst days I've ever had and it made me SO happy. Thanks to whichever knitty made that wonderful yarn for me (She called it Sarah's Seaweed which I LOVED!). You can reveal yourself if you're reading!

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Why I'm crazy

Well I had a series of photos for you but something far more apropriate happened. Blogger decided to give me a big screw you and not upload them. That's why I'm crazy. Everything I try to do is just not possible. I can never complete anything. Can you imagine? If everything you ever did was halted before you could really get into it. You spend time and money preparing for things only to find that there's nothing you can do?

I wrote out about five examples here but then I deleted them. It was too much of a downer.

So. Um. Stuff. Blogitty blog blog blog. Ahem. Nope, still won't upload the pictures. Well, this is akward. Here I went and got your attention and don't have anything to say. Sheesh, how amaturish of me. So how's the weather? Good. And your mother? Excellent. Uh, gotta go, my... grandmother's... on fire. Oh thank you for the excuse, Eddie Izzard, you saint!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The things I do for laughs

I started an homage to Bezzie because she rules. And because I thought it'd be fun to see everyone in rollers. Of course I had to do it to and since I couldn't seem to buy any curlers I used rag rollers. Since I was using the most ghetto of all styling tools, I decided I should round out the look with trailer park make-up. And now for your viewing pleasure, goofy pictures of me in rag rollers and bad make-up.

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