More of the same

Tonight is my first football practice without the other coaches. I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm seriously apprehensive and I'm thinking taking this on was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. I've been trying to read up on drills and such but my mind wanders to other places. I wish I could find some good coaches to help me that will actually come every day. There seem to be a lot of people who want to help but they can't devote the amount of time that's needed. I'm listening to Benny Goodman and trying to calm down. I do love Benny Goodman. Red Todd Kidd left his performance review from work out on the computer desk and I don't know if I should look at it or not. It's bugging me. I mean, he left it *right there* but at the same time it would bug me if he read my stuff without asking. Okay, I won't read it. I'll just turn it over and try not to stare so hard I get x-ray vision. Went out and waxed philosophical about life with Lucky last night. He got fired and now feels, more acutely, the lack of direction he's been suffering. I told him to write a novel. The guy tells a fantastic story. You could ask him to tell you about the last time he did his laundry and an hour later your sides will be sore from laughing and you'll be shocked a whole hour has gone by.

And suddenly I try to save the day (again).

This weekend we went and signed up Darth for flag football. When we arrived they told us that the team was full but that there were almost enough kids for a second team. Eight people had signed up to assist the coach of said team but no one had signed up to be Head Coach, which they must have to have a team. Somehow I volunteered. I think this was probably stupid. I'm really not sure why I do these things. Why do I always want to save the day? Why do I stay up all night making crazy birthday cakes or injure my hand trying to make the best cupcakes ever? Why do I have to make homemade gifts? Why do I wait until the last minute to do everything? Why the HELL did I just sign up to coach football for 5 year olds? Deep breath, it's only practices 5 days a week for two weeks and 3 days a week after that with games on Saturdays. It only requires that I get re-certified in first aid and CPR and that I complete at least 6 hours of training clinics. I only have to teach 5-7 year olds in untold numbers how to play a sport I have never actually played (with rules anyway). I only have to deal with 8 dads who didn't step up to coach and will now resent that I did. You know, no big deal. I'm insane. So I'm going to knit Enrelac's sock this week. I will have it completed by next week. I will. It has been decided. This is for three reasons. #1 She loved the first one, hooray! So I'm excited and want to get her the second one. #2 Football season is going to be starting and when it does my knitting will go on hiatus for awhile. #3 I still have knit my FIL a sweater before his birthday in August. To reiterate: I'm insane. It should be fun to watch me self destruct though, right?

I win.

The Harry Potter Scarf has been bound off. It's done. It's over. The loathesome beast will be departing shortly. I win. Okay the Vital stats: Red Heart Acyrillic in Claret (3 skeins) and Caron (1 skein) in some yellow, the label came off ages ago. The needles were Clover bamboo in size 8 and then I got my KP Options set and switched, much easier after that (Sticky Ickryllic+bamboo=GAH!). The dimentions on this thing are rediculous. It's like, 11 inches wide. I wasn't about to start over so too bad. If I ever did another, and that's the biggest fattest if you ever saw, I'd still do it on the same size needles, albeit with another yarn of the same weight, but I'd cut the number of sts from 90 per round to say, 60. I hated this thing. So much.

So ahead of my time

(Click on the pics for larger views) This week's knitty blogstalking is to post a pic of yourself in a Halloween costume, past or present. As you can see I've posted my Bezzie costume circa 1982, proving once again that I am way ahead of my time. Please not the supermodel pose I've struck on the orange vinyl sofa. I wonder what happened to that afghan... The truly great thing about this photo is that it's from a series of photos whith each one Im pulling a different pose. You see, I've always been odd I just used to be adorable as well. If you want a real trip compare the pic here with the one of Miss Beans at the bottom of this post, cue the theramin music, it's a clone! So this weekend was Darth's fifth birthday party. I never got around to ordering a cake and so I ended up making one at the last minute. Knowing me that doesn't seem out of the ordinary now, does it? Also knowing me I'm sure you're wondering what kind of multiple rediculous road blocks popped up to threaten the formation of said cake. You may also be wondering what kind of masochistic hurdles I set up for myself since I can never seem to do anything normal like bake a cake with out turning it into an epic saga full of blood sweat and tears (it's a good one this time: I, the person with little artistic ability, decided to make a cake that looked like a treasure chest spilling candy, because tht's a simple Friday night project. For an encore maybe I'll convert our house from electricity to cold fusion and then ride my magic carpet to the moon). If you're not wondering any of that then I really don't know what you're doing here, I mean, this blog is very clearly about my insanity and the use of the subject to moderately entertain others while they're surfing the net on company time. Anyway... 7pm: It all started at the grocery store. Now who would have ever guessed that the weekend before Halloween was a prime party time? I know it seems so obvious and yet on Friday night as I pulled up to the store to get cake mixes and whatnot I was totally baffled as to why the store was overrun. It only took a blindingly huge sign declaring an urgent need to stock up on chips an dip for me to realize my folly and insantly I was off like a flash trying to get what I needed and get out before party time at 1pm the next day, no small task. Delightfully I managed to get most of what I needed and on sale exept two things: a light bulb and cake mixes. The light bulb was no big deal, we've been sitting in the semi dark for two days already so what's one more? The cake mixes though were a problem. They were having one of those damn 10 for $10 sales that cause people to stock up like Aramgeddon is upon us, frothing at the mouth and taking things out of others' carts when they're not looking. What? You don't shop in the third circle of Hell? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, cake mixes. All they had left was lemon. I see this woman with a cart full of yellow cake mixes and I basically shame her into giving me three of them so that my poor son who's turining five won't have a birthday with no cake. As it turned out, they weren't yellow cake, they were butter cake. A whole stick of butter and three eggs in each one. Can you say heart attack? 8pm: I get home and I start slapping these things together as fast as I can so I can also get the kids bathed and in bed, stuff goody bags, wrap presents, etc. The first batch (two 9x13 cakes) come out of the oven relatively without incident until I take them out of the pans. Both of them stick to the bottom of the pans and don't come out well but I made do, leveled them and tried to frost them. Ever frost a cake and have it totally fall apart as you go? Not fun. Red Tod Kidd had the genius idea (I'm not being sarcastic, it was a good idea) to run the frosting cans under hot water to sofen it up. Worked like a charm. I got those two cakes stacked and frosted and the third (and final) one in the oven. Sadly, as you can see from the lovely labeled picture I've provided, it never made it out of the pan at all. Back to the store. 10pm: I went to the other nearby grocery store to find that they had had a similar sale and been cleared out but at least they had a nonsale brand of cake mixes in stock. I got one yellow, one chocolate just to be safe and high tailed it home where I got yet another cake oven ready and then wrapped presents until it was done baking and cooling. I may have stopped to go to the bathroom or something but I can't remember now, it's a blur. I finally finished the damn thing at almost 1am and then I had to clean up the mess (oh, and DAMN was there a mess). Living the dream, I'm living the dream. Let this be a lesson to all of you, order the ephing cake ahead of time so that you don't feel compelled to bake the most awesomest cake ever for a kid who probably won't remember it in a week just because you feel guilty about not geting your act together sooner. Oh, and I was also under the guilt of not finishing the birthday socks. I'm almost done shaping the gusset on the second one.

I must hate myself.

Seriously. I started a Harry Potter scarf for my sister. I had her buy the yarn, I was going to show her how to do it but then all of the sudden I was just making it. I don't know how it happened but it did. I guess what with writing the novel and all that other stuff going on I just didn't have enough to do. I was just starting to get my life back. No more Halloween costumes, no more birthday stuff, just the usual Christmas I-want-to-kill-myself rush coming. Nothing that doesn't happen every year, you know. But NO I have to write a novel and get a bunch of new projects. What a freaking idiot. If I could clone me I wouldn't even use my clone to do half the work I would just have her slap me because that's what I really need. To slap myself back into reality. There's a special plateau of crazy that I've just ascended to isn't there?

At long last...

Yes, that's right, finally the pictures of the Princess Leia costume I've toiled so endlessly upon. As you can see I never did put a hood on it and I gave up on the belt (actually I never gave it a realtry, too hard) using silver ribbon in its stead. I think the general idea is still conveyed. As always, you can click on the pictures for a larger version. Darth's fourth birthday party was a success. He got SO much stuff! Lots of puzzles which was very neat. He had a blast though he only stayed in his costume for a half hour. In fact everyone ditched their costumes by 2:00. My sister's Yoda costume for her son turned out great. It was a big hit, too. It was all just sickeningly cute. Please note his authentic, light-up, Yoda lightsaber. It's tiny! Darth got his very own Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader color change lightsaber for his birthday and today he was playing with it, hitting the button to change the color and saying, "Good. Bad. Good. Bad. Good. Bad..." Happy Halloween and may the force be with you!

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

God I hate sewing. I hate everything about it. I hate cutting out patterns. I hate not being able to find the good scissors. I hate cutting out the fabric with the teeny-tiny scissors that for some reason are the only ones that can cut fabric. I hate lugging the sewing machine out of the top of the closet. I hate trying to find the bobbins. I hate winding bobbins. I hate trying to sew around a curve. I hate having to iron all the seams. I hate having to start all over because I did something stupid 15 minutes in to a three hour project. I hate sewing. I think this is because I'm not any good at it. I have no formal training. I have no innate ability. I also have a friend who is a sewing godess. She called me this evening and in the course of conversation revealed that she made a Victorian bustle skirt in one night, without a pattern. I'm sure it's perfect, or at least looks it. She probably looks even taller and thinner and more fabulous in it too. Because she's just one of those people that's good at everything and always looks fabulous. If I didn't love her, I'd hate her. But you can't hate Kaylee. She's too awesome to hate. In fact, if she were here she'd have made this whole damn Leia costume for me in a half hour without so much as a complaint. I'm alternately wistful and bitterly jealous. Especially when the first thing Red Todd Kidd asks whenever I start any project that isn't knitted is: "Did you call Kaylee?" Regardless of how valid a question it is or how poor my sewing skills are or how much I hate sewing it still bugs me that he thinks I can't do anything without her help. So what if it's totally true! He shouldn't know it and he certainly shouldn't say it! What a jerk. As you may have guessed. I drafted out my paper bag pattern for the Leia costume. Twice, as a matter of fact. The first time I didn't account for seam allowances. Yeah, I totally rule. I've gotten so far as cutting out the fabric pieces. Tomorrow comes the ever more entertaining task of ironing all the pieces and sewing them together. Sigh. I wish Kaylee was here...

What to do, what to do?

It has been a week since I gave up on my design project and I haven't knit a stitch. I need to get out of my knit-funk and do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. So I drew up plans for a little shrug for Lola Beans. Wendy of knit and tonic has an adorable shrug for her adorable girl but the sizes aren't right for my baby girl, she's still too small. I'd rather make up a whole new pattern than figure out how to resize another one so here I goo right off the deep end. The other thing is I know if I pick up sock yarn and size 2 needles I won't get far. I need something chunkier to get back in the groove. Something worsted. Something already in my stash... On a related note, Lola pulled the needles out of the garish sock and reduced it to well, nothing really. She pulled it out past the heel turn and I can't bring myself to remake something so ugly. Eh. None of my projects are really going well lately. Let's review: Satchel=short strap, wonky pockets, out of yarn. Blaze=screwed up cables, frogged. Garish socks=hella ugly and now hella nothing. Design project=didn't felt right, became wall art. I really want to do a clapotis but I don't think I have enough of the yarn I want to use plus I think now may not be the time to juggle all those stitch markers. And I don't have any stitch markers. Well, I guess I'm not doing that. I've been toying with the idea of a bag knit from tailor's measuring tapes... I have to do something but what? Do I restart Blaze? Do I try for a shrug for baby girl? Do I just run off screaming into the night, giving up knitting and starting a life of crocheted granny square afghans?