It's going to be epic.

Tomorrow Lucky Champagne is picking me up at 7am (yes, on a Saturday) so we can go on a road trip. Our road trip was supposed to be a weekend and it was supposed to be to our friend's bar in Arizona. Now it's just Lucky driving to wherever we can get to and back by the end of the day tomorrow. It would not surprise me if we end up at the Center of the World. I know he wants to go take some paint to the guy at Salvation Mountain. Hooray, a field trip to the zealot swindler's place! Actually I know it will be fun because it will be something different to do. Plus funny crap just always happens to Lucky. I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, I'm just along for the ride. I will be taking my camera so hopefully I'll get some amusing pictures. I had hoped to show you one finished sock for Entrelac today but I totally fucked up the toe (all because I was totally caught up in that cinematic masterpiece The Brothers Grimm) and had to rip it out so you have to wait. Not that I expect anyone was falling all over themselves in anticipation. Oh, and since a few people have asked the pattern came from Folk Socks (Welsh Country Socks), I didn't come up with it. I did modify it a bit though.

Get a job, Mom.

I've finished the back of Veste Everest and it's perfect. Seriously, it looks like someone else entirely knit the thing. That ought to skyrocket my pride up into the overconfident stratosphere leading to all manner of trouble with the front, don't you think? Well, I can't be too proud with Darth around to knock me back to reality. Today he asked (for the zillionth time) when we'd be going to Disneyland. It finally broke down and gave him a more straight answer than the one I had been using ("When Lola Beans gets bigger, so you can both ride the rides.") and said, "Disneyland costs a lot of money and we don't have a lot of money." Then he told me to get a job. Fantastic. You know me, I told that kindergartener in no uncertain terms what exactly my job entails and how if I wasn't here to do my job that he'd be really sad, unclothed, lonely, etc. You know, really put him in his place. He started crying. Fantastic. By the time we got to school he was over it, though through the course of the conversation he got more upset before he got better. I suppose I didn't have to tell him that he had 12 more years of school to look forward to before college and that he has to go to college to make lots of money so he can take his kids to Disneyland but somehow, it just came out. I never know the right thing to say so I think I'm just trudging through life trying to say the MOST wrong thing. On to the knitting: I'm planning projects. My new nephew to be is getting the Auspicious Coincidences Baby Sweater from Compassionate Knitting (If you take a look at the inside pages, it's the top left on the very first page of pics). I have a bunch of cotton oddballs that are perfect for this thing so I'm forgoing the Ninja Suit idea for the time being in favor of the idea that will only cost me $4.50 (a few extra whole balls to use for the trim). I have succumbed to the awesomeness that is Eunny Jang. I will be knitting up her Endpaper Mitts for my mom sooner or later, I just ordered the yarn. If I don't completely suck at those I'm going to make a go at the Anemoi Mittens even though I have absolutely no need for mittens basically ever. I can't help it, they're just so freaking awesome! If I go really insane I'll also make ones that have earth, water, and fire motifs. I don't anticipate anyone needing to worry about that happening. I don't think I'll even make it to buying the pattern letalone knitting it up or designing my own. I have an Aran sweater to design and knit this year.

Yes, we have no bananas.

The conversation I just witnessed, to preface, Lola wanted a banana for breakfast and was told they were all gone. Darth: I'm gonna tell you a joke Lola, okay? Lola: Okay. Darth: Knock-knock. Lola: Who's there? Darth: Banana. Lola: No Darth, bananas all gone! Darth: No, you say, "Banana who?" Lola: Okay. Darth: Knock-knock. Lola: Who's there? Darth: Banana. Lola: Banana who? Darth: Knock-knock. Lola: Who's there? Darth: Banana. Lola: No! Bananas all gone! I can't wait until they learn "Who's on First". So anyway, things are chugging along here. I finished the dishcloths, the scarf, and my mom's necklace badge holder thingy. All that's left is the last half of SIL's second glove and a cup warmer for her boyfriend. I am so close. I wonder what disaster lurks just ahead to confound and destroy me. A plague of moths, perhaps? Our state breaking off the continent and drifting away into the Pacific? The zombie uprising I've been dreading for so long? I can't say what it will be but I know it's coming. It lurks outside my view in wait of the time when I cast off that last project to smite me. I know it. Ahem. In other news: I bought Mason-Dixon Knitting and returned it. I love it, I can't recommend it enough. I just needed that $30 more. I'll buy it when I have a 40% off coupon for Michael's. I don't know why but for the last couple years I've been compelled to make rugs. I haven't given in just yet but Mason-Dixon makes me really want to give in. Really. I'm rushing through the last of the holiday knitting so I can attempt my first crochet project. A little purse in One Skein. The rectangle one for those who have the book. I don't know why I'm so in love with it but I actually bought a hook. I promise I won't go over to the dark side, you all know how much I hate to crochet. Lastly, I realize that there are only 14 dishcloths on the tree. That's because I already gave my mom hers.

So ahead of my time

(Click on the pics for larger views) This week's knitty blogstalking is to post a pic of yourself in a Halloween costume, past or present. As you can see I've posted my Bezzie costume circa 1982, proving once again that I am way ahead of my time. Please not the supermodel pose I've struck on the orange vinyl sofa. I wonder what happened to that afghan... The truly great thing about this photo is that it's from a series of photos whith each one Im pulling a different pose. You see, I've always been odd I just used to be adorable as well. If you want a real trip compare the pic here with the one of Miss Beans at the bottom of this post, cue the theramin music, it's a clone! So this weekend was Darth's fifth birthday party. I never got around to ordering a cake and so I ended up making one at the last minute. Knowing me that doesn't seem out of the ordinary now, does it? Also knowing me I'm sure you're wondering what kind of multiple rediculous road blocks popped up to threaten the formation of said cake. You may also be wondering what kind of masochistic hurdles I set up for myself since I can never seem to do anything normal like bake a cake with out turning it into an epic saga full of blood sweat and tears (it's a good one this time: I, the person with little artistic ability, decided to make a cake that looked like a treasure chest spilling candy, because tht's a simple Friday night project. For an encore maybe I'll convert our house from electricity to cold fusion and then ride my magic carpet to the moon). If you're not wondering any of that then I really don't know what you're doing here, I mean, this blog is very clearly about my insanity and the use of the subject to moderately entertain others while they're surfing the net on company time. Anyway... 7pm: It all started at the grocery store. Now who would have ever guessed that the weekend before Halloween was a prime party time? I know it seems so obvious and yet on Friday night as I pulled up to the store to get cake mixes and whatnot I was totally baffled as to why the store was overrun. It only took a blindingly huge sign declaring an urgent need to stock up on chips an dip for me to realize my folly and insantly I was off like a flash trying to get what I needed and get out before party time at 1pm the next day, no small task. Delightfully I managed to get most of what I needed and on sale exept two things: a light bulb and cake mixes. The light bulb was no big deal, we've been sitting in the semi dark for two days already so what's one more? The cake mixes though were a problem. They were having one of those damn 10 for $10 sales that cause people to stock up like Aramgeddon is upon us, frothing at the mouth and taking things out of others' carts when they're not looking. What? You don't shop in the third circle of Hell? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, cake mixes. All they had left was lemon. I see this woman with a cart full of yellow cake mixes and I basically shame her into giving me three of them so that my poor son who's turining five won't have a birthday with no cake. As it turned out, they weren't yellow cake, they were butter cake. A whole stick of butter and three eggs in each one. Can you say heart attack? 8pm: I get home and I start slapping these things together as fast as I can so I can also get the kids bathed and in bed, stuff goody bags, wrap presents, etc. The first batch (two 9x13 cakes) come out of the oven relatively without incident until I take them out of the pans. Both of them stick to the bottom of the pans and don't come out well but I made do, leveled them and tried to frost them. Ever frost a cake and have it totally fall apart as you go? Not fun. Red Tod Kidd had the genius idea (I'm not being sarcastic, it was a good idea) to run the frosting cans under hot water to sofen it up. Worked like a charm. I got those two cakes stacked and frosted and the third (and final) one in the oven. Sadly, as you can see from the lovely labeled picture I've provided, it never made it out of the pan at all. Back to the store. 10pm: I went to the other nearby grocery store to find that they had had a similar sale and been cleared out but at least they had a nonsale brand of cake mixes in stock. I got one yellow, one chocolate just to be safe and high tailed it home where I got yet another cake oven ready and then wrapped presents until it was done baking and cooling. I may have stopped to go to the bathroom or something but I can't remember now, it's a blur. I finally finished the damn thing at almost 1am and then I had to clean up the mess (oh, and DAMN was there a mess). Living the dream, I'm living the dream. Let this be a lesson to all of you, order the ephing cake ahead of time so that you don't feel compelled to bake the most awesomest cake ever for a kid who probably won't remember it in a week just because you feel guilty about not geting your act together sooner. Oh, and I was also under the guilt of not finishing the birthday socks. I'm almost done shaping the gusset on the second one.

Cupcakes, cute kids, and crap.

Okay, I never did get around to knitting on Tuesday. Lola Beans kept waking up and by the time I finally got a minute to myself I just ended up sitting on the couch watching VH1's countdown of the 100 Greatest Child Stars (number one was Gary Coleman if you're curious). How sad is that? Since I have no cool projects going the pictures in today's post are going to be of Lola Bean's Birthday cake, which was cupcakes, and the kids eating them. No pictures of Miss Beans eating them since she slept through the whole party. Poor kid. Anyway, the cupcake tree there is how I managed to maim myself. All those little pictures of the Little Einsteins were made by me. Cut out with those fancy scrapbooking scissors. When I finished making them I noticed that my thumb was numb and tingly. Two weeks later it's better but still a bit tingly. I can't believe I pinched a nerve that bad on something so silly and didn't even notice until it was too late. I couldn't even knit for several days because I couldn't feel anything with my right thumb and it was just too weird. I'm used to it now but I really hope it goes away. The numbness not the thumb, that I'd like to keep. I'm kind of in a knitting funk right now. I don't have any deadlines left so I'm not pressed to work on anything. I don't really have any projects ready to start either. I'm just kind of "meh" about the whole thing right now. That's probably best since I have a major sewing project coming up. Yes, sewing, the bane of my existance. I'm going to make a few diapers and some adaquate training pants for Miss Beans since I'm sick of buying diapers and the Pull-Ups are the worst invention ever. I can't even begin to tell you about what a nightmare those things are for a parent of a stubborn child. All I'm going to say is that cloth training pants are uncomfprtable when wet and the kid will start going to the can instead of in their pants right quick if you switch to undies and make them help you clean up their messes. Maybe you think that's harsh and traumatic but I'm betting you don't know what it's like to have to do diapers for an infant, deal with a potty resistant three year old, AND clean up after an inconitnent cat day in and day out. There's literally only so much crap I can deal with without going barking mad and my limit is somewhere less than two small children and a cat. So anyway, I'm going to be doing some sewing and hopefully I won't sew my shirt to my project like that one time, completely forget seam allowances like last time, or give up in misery like all those other times. I should either take a class, buy a book, or just give up on sewing altogether, shouldn't I? Oh well, we all know I'm a crafting masochist so that's not going to happen. Makes more interesting blog reading for the lot of you I guess, silver lining and all that. *The boys in the pic are my son, Darth, and my nephew, Tank. Acoording to my sister the frosting made Tanks poop blue. Aren't you glad to know that?

You know what I need? A project.

Yeah, you're going to want to click on that to make it bigger. Please. You see, I've worked so long and hard on that sock and now I'm worried that it won't fit. It may be too long. It could be too tight. It's (and it's soon to be buddy) for my MIL and it really has to be right. Not because she's an exacting tyrant (you're thinking of your MIL) but because for her birthday last year I gave her a vest that was too small but that she really liked. The yarn was discontinued and I've never gotten gauge with anything I've tried. I know I should just alter the pattern but since it was such a boring knit I'd really rather find something else . I've just felt terrible that I haven't made it up to her and it's been over a year. Let's not even get started on the cableknit sweater my mom requested. Anyone else feel like a walking apology? Then of course there's my favorite pattern ever: Crumbs. It's coming along but every time I pick it up I just want to rip the whole damn thing out and start fresh with my very own pattern. I'm very seriously considering writing a pattern (or rather a formula that can be easily adjusted for any size) for a top/dress that is strikingly similar but different enough that I wouldn't infringe on the copyright. If I do that, it will be a free pattern that I'll post here on the blog. Any volunteer test knitters (for child and adult sizes)? If I have test knitters willing to allow me to use pics of their projects once finished, I'd be able to offer the pattern much sooner. Like, in time for summer soon. My newest project that's due at the end of the month is this. I know it looks like a swatch but it's bulky yarn and it'll be a scarf before you know it. It's for my uncle, Elvis*, who has a bad bout of bronchitis. He lives up in the Bay area (San Francisco, Oakland) and works a job where he has to be out of doors a great deal. As Mark Twain said, "There's no colder winter than summer in San Francisco." Hopefully this scarf will help him get well and stay that way. It is alpaca after all. Anyway, Uncle Elvis and Aunt Ivanna are going to be coming down for Lola Beans' birthday party so I want to have it ready then. On top of these projects I also have my super secret Kate modification that's not quite done yet. It needs appendages and it has more than your standard mammal. Will I finish in time? I sure hope so! I've got a Knit Picks order coming with a pattern I adore and a book by EZ that has a sweater I want to modify. I've gone project MAD! *As always the names of subjects are changed to reflect their true character, or because I felt like it.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

God I hate sewing. I hate everything about it. I hate cutting out patterns. I hate not being able to find the good scissors. I hate cutting out the fabric with the teeny-tiny scissors that for some reason are the only ones that can cut fabric. I hate lugging the sewing machine out of the top of the closet. I hate trying to find the bobbins. I hate winding bobbins. I hate trying to sew around a curve. I hate having to iron all the seams. I hate having to start all over because I did something stupid 15 minutes in to a three hour project. I hate sewing. I think this is because I'm not any good at it. I have no formal training. I have no innate ability. I also have a friend who is a sewing godess. She called me this evening and in the course of conversation revealed that she made a Victorian bustle skirt in one night, without a pattern. I'm sure it's perfect, or at least looks it. She probably looks even taller and thinner and more fabulous in it too. Because she's just one of those people that's good at everything and always looks fabulous. If I didn't love her, I'd hate her. But you can't hate Kaylee. She's too awesome to hate. In fact, if she were here she'd have made this whole damn Leia costume for me in a half hour without so much as a complaint. I'm alternately wistful and bitterly jealous. Especially when the first thing Red Todd Kidd asks whenever I start any project that isn't knitted is: "Did you call Kaylee?" Regardless of how valid a question it is or how poor my sewing skills are or how much I hate sewing it still bugs me that he thinks I can't do anything without her help. So what if it's totally true! He shouldn't know it and he certainly shouldn't say it! What a jerk. As you may have guessed. I drafted out my paper bag pattern for the Leia costume. Twice, as a matter of fact. The first time I didn't account for seam allowances. Yeah, I totally rule. I've gotten so far as cutting out the fabric pieces. Tomorrow comes the ever more entertaining task of ironing all the pieces and sewing them together. Sigh. I wish Kaylee was here...