Sweet self-indulgence

Call me a lemming if you must just don't do it to my face. Here's my list of 100 things about me: 1) I was born and raised in San Diego county, I have never lived elsewhere. 2) Most people from San Diego don't like going to Tijuana after they hit 21. I still love to go. 3) Shoes never fit me. 4) I love cheese. 5) I think every idea I have is a brilliant money making scheme until I realize there's no way in hell that it will work. This happens to me almost daily. 6) I never graduated from high school. 7) I skipped my graduation from trade school. 8) My husband and I eloped. 9) I tend to avoid situations that involve recognition. I'm not sure why. 10) I think my husband regrets not having a wedding. 11) I think the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland may be the greatest ride of all time. 12) I usually have to share my birthday. I secretly like it because it takes the focus off of me. I don't actually like to be the center of attention and I hate it when people gush over me. 13) My sister's birthday is on the 13th of April. I think she's amazing. I don't know if she knows that though because whenever we talk one of us is usually complaining about something. 14) I think my kids are cuter than your kids. You probably think the same in the inverse. 15) I don't think all babies are cute. I think some are downright fugly. I don't lie to parents with ugly babies by telling them they're cute. I tell them something like, "Oh he's so alert!" or, "What big eyes!" or something like that. 16)The best thing about cold weather is hot chocolate. 17) My son missed being born on Halloween by one day. I think if I had gone for a walk like Red Todd Kidd kept bugging me to he probably would have been born on Halloween. I secretly feel a little guilty about that. 18) My favorite movie is Boondock Saints. Or maybe Braveheart. Well, it's actually going to be Serenity in a couple weeks. Okay, my top thre favorite movies are Boondock Saints, Braveheart, and hopefully Serenity. And Mallrats. Oh and Sin City was awesome. I don't have a favorite movie. 19) I used to think (after Darth was born) that I wanted all boys. I was upset when I found out I was having a girl when I was pregnant with Lola Beans. Man, I was a jerk. She's awesome. 20) You know that commercial for Geico where they pretend there's a reality show called Tiny House? I freaking love that commercial and even though I hate reality tv and don't watch any of it (except ABC's Extreme Makeover Home Edition), I would TOTALLY watch that show. 21) I laughed at my sister years ago when she cried at the movie The Iron Giant. A few weeks ago I saw it again for the first time in years and I almost cried. Come on people! He was so great! He wanted to be like Superman! Have a heart you soulless bastard. 22) I'm adapting Hamlet. My version takes place in a porn studio. I hope it to be a definitive work. 23) My high school history teacher showed me how to appriciate art, for that I am eternally greatful. 24) The lullabyes I sing to my kids include: Black Velvet Band by the Irish Rovers (in which some hussy gets some nice Irish boy sent to prison), Goodnight My Love by the Benny Goodman Orchestra, Beyond the Sea (Lola's favorite), Me and Bobby McGee the Janis Joplin version, and on some rare occasions Hotel California by The Eagles. This is because these are the only songs I know all the words to even without the music playing. 25) That's how old I am right now. 26) I don't really like country music but for some reason I love Dwight Yoakam. I also love Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and quite a few of the other old favorites. 27) My favorite Willie Nelson song is Poncho and Lefty, if I ever had my own Mexican restaurant that's what I'd call it. Poncho and Lefty's. I think it's funny because Red Todd Kidd is left handed. 29) My favorite color is red. 30) When I'm around people with accents I have to try very hard not to copy their accent. I blame this on too many years in theater classes. 31) Years ago a visiting Welshman tried to teach me Cockney rhyming slang. Years later on a return visit he quizzed me on it and I actually remembered it all. 32) I think William Shatner is hilarious. 33) Everything you can do I can do better, I can do everything better than you. Any note you can hit I can hit higher, I can hit any note higher than you. 34) I'm one of those people who gets their news from John Stewart. 35) I still remember every halloween costume I ever wore. 36) My favorite beer is Newcastle Brown Ale. I liked it even before it got popular. I don't begrudge it's popularity because now I can actually find it. 37) I have better things to be doing right now. 38) I don't really like animals. Okay it's not that I don't like them it's just that I firmly believe that they belong outdoors. Indoor animals drive me crazy. I don't mind if they come in when they're clean to get loved on a bit but they shouldn't live in the house. In this way, I am JUST like my mom. 40) I think it was a total waste that I wasn't born into a Hasidic family. I think that life would have suited me well. 41) I'm craving lasagna so I take back that last one. 42) If I don't have anymore kids this is how old I'll be when my youngest graduates from high school. 43) When I was little I wanted to grow up to be Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. I may have succeeded. I just need the hat and cape. Yeah, that's a sweet hat. 44) I think it's adorable that Red Todd Kidd calls the baby girl Boo. 45) Truly Elvis was The King. 46) I once shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. 47) I think I may have been Ernest Hemmingway in my last life. 48) I hate having my picture taken. 49) I think Gilmore Girls is one of the funniest and best written shows on tv. 50) I'm only half way there? Crap! 51) Right now I have to pee. 52) Now I don't. 53) I don't think anyone would ever reffer to me as patient. Gracious probably doesn't come up often either. I think I'm viewed rather like Gareth in Four Weddings and a Funeral. 54) Oreos are the best cookies that I don't make myself. 55) If Darth asks me to watch the Spongebob Squarepants movie again my head might explode. 56) I like road trips. I have fond memories of breaking in to the Center of the World on the way to Yuma so we could smoke in Denny's. 57) I'm pretty short. People always think I'm at least two or three inches taller than I really am. I think this is partly because I used to wear heels all the time and partly because my personality makes up for my height. 58) She'll be commin' 'round the mountain when she comes. She'll be commin' 'round the mountain when she comes. She'll be commin' 'round the mountain, she'll be commin' 'round the mountain, she'll be commin' 'round the mountain when she comes. 59) This is taking a really long time. 60) My girl cousins all have goofy nicknames. They couldn't think of one for me so they started calling me Nick Nameless. Then they decided I was a pirate and I became Captain Less. They got me a hat and and eyepatch and everything. I wore it the whole night I got it. The people at the movie theater and the bowling alley thought I was way strange. They were right. 61) Fuzzy Tail wants to get a chihuahua. I don't like them. I told her I'd disown her if she got one. In truth I'll probably make it a ton of sweaters. 62) This is my family. Or most of it. Actually there are a couple extra people in there. Also you can't see Lola Beans because I was still working on making her in this pic. 63) Uhh... I like knitting? I'm running out of things. 64) I like stories about mermaids but not like Splash. I like the ones where they drown sailors and such. 65) I want to move to New Zealand but I'm not qualified. They have a points system to get in, you know. 66) I always wanted to be an archeologist. 67) I love Sealab 2021. I am Captain Murphy. Or at least that internet quiz told me so. 68) In fact, I love it so much that my friends and I have started an annual tradition of having an Alvis day. This year in addition to the hate-gift exchange there will be ham and pomp. 69) X-Treme! 70) I'm secretly a superhero. 71) I never dream of being rich and famous. 72) I'm not always honest. 73) My friend just sent me pics of some kittens, I sent back a pic of our cat that we had to put to sleep. I captioned it, "This cat is dead now". I guess what I'm saying is, I have a sick sense of humor. 74) Sometimes I check the whole house for flaws in zombie security. 75) I could never live in Maine because there are too many cemetaries. I think that whole state is haunted. 76) I have only been in like 10 or 15 other states and most of them I drove through in one night on a road trip from Maine to Virginia. 77) I want to try to learn HTML. I'm hopeful that I won't be completely lost like I usually get when things get technical. 78) I met my husband at a LARP. I ran it. He liked me anyway. 79) I think M&Ms are the greatest candy of all time. 80) I let a lot of my exes ruin things I loved for me like irises, Lucky Strikes, and Japan. I did manage to hang on to RPGs, M&Ms, knitting, and Tim Burton flicks, despite some valiant efforts. 81) I have written a one act play. I even got a staged reading of it. Kaylee and the cast were the only ones laughing. I don't think the lesbian coffee house was the best place to run a play about a disfunctional, albiet funny, straight relationship. 82) I cannot miss ER. CANNOT. 83) Although I still miss Dr. Greene. 84) My favorite episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is Super Birthday Snake. I love the part where they argue. It goes on for so long it stops being funny and then so much longer it gets funny again. That's the best. 85) You take the high road and I'll take the low road and I'll be in Scotland before ye. 86) I can't draw worth a damn. 87) I speak tiny amounts of Russian. I took it in high school because living in Southern California there's such a need for it. 88) I'm never, ever sarcastic. 89) My grandpa told me this great story about when he was a kid: his mom had made breakfast and kept telling his dad to come out and eat before his eggs got cold. She told him several times and when he finally came to the table the first thing out of his mouth was that his eggs were cold. She walked right up to him with an egg in her hand and smashed it right on the back of his head. Without a word he got up and went to clean up and change. It doesn't really have anything to do with me, except I expect my son will tell similar stories some day. 90) Did I mention I have a bit of a temper? 91) I loved Star Trek TNG when I was in junior high. I can't seem to get through an episode now. It's just SO bad. 92) I did open mic night at the comedy store once. I got some laughs even after my first joke bombed. I was pretty proud of that. 93) One of the other comedians that night actually did about two minutes of jokes about my rack. Did I mention my friends and I were in the front row? Did I mention that we were heckling? 94) I don't like baseball. 95) Though I've never worked in a soulless hellhole of an office, I almost always laugh at Dilbert. 96) I have been working on this list on and off for three days, you'd think it'd be more interesting. Go figure, huh? 97) I am an Aries. For some reason I'm proud of that. Like you can control that or something. My husband, sister, and brother are all Aries as well. It makes for a fun family dynamic. 98) I have totalled three cars. They were all Fords. We have a Saturn now. 99) I have a very high pain tolerance. This is not an invitation to punch me. 100) I'm done with this damn list, biotch!