Things Garrison Keillor says:

This is Garrison Keillor*. He makes me laugh. Here are some things he has said to me... GK: The player of Big McHugelarge is likeable and huggable... at least that's what my mom says. Me: Well, she's your mom, she's not objective. Hell, my mom says I'm sweet. GK: What are these crazy women thinking? You know we can just look at our parents and we know, we truly know, that no matter we'll say the same of our kids. Me: Of course. GK: Unless [his child's name] kills a bus load of nuns. Then I'm going on the evening news and telling everyone she's nuttier then squirrel shit. Me: I'd probably be on the evening news saying, "I know that Lola Beans killed a busload of nuns but I'm sure she had a really good reason. You see the nuns weren't real nuns, they were spies disguised as nuns. Or something..." GK: Those tricky spies. the only way you can see their true forms is through the cleansing fire. Me: "They were evil WERENUNS!!!"..."No I really don't think her upbringing had anything to do with this, why do you ask?" "Did religion steal your bike? religion stole mine. It tired to tell me that if I wanted to go anywhere I would need to "ride" on the back with him, I told him to shove it and that I would walk." "I can't read.... actually I'm dictating to a monkey right now." "I'm a special one. That guy in the car with the candy would always tell me that." Me: Is it 10 am yet? I need a drink.... lol, j/k GK: It is for me! Me: It's only 9 here. GK: It's almost 12 for me, hey I'm married now! "Just screaming at the injustice of my own child thinking I'm a salty snack." Me: Me joking? That's unheard of! GK: *nods* yeah, you're right. I keep forgetting how bad you are at that simple human pastime. We need to do something about that.... isn't your model of terminator able to learn if we enter through your cranial port to your CPU and turn the direction it's inserted? "Asking totally random question: You think it was too much when I stabbed Sy in the ass with a piece of wood?" "...hey udder is a pretty word. Much like cellar door." "Ha! your's is smaller then mine!" "I'm going to cry like a flat chested girl.... I'm sensitive, you aren't suppose to judge me!" "As you well know, I was the crying indian in the commercial." Garrison Keillor is great. Following the new trend in child naming, he plans to name his new kid, Nu C'yd. *Clearly he isn't the real Garrison Keillor, this is only a nickname given for the purposes of my blog.